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January 13, 2010
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another one of those journals that i usually do. you don't need to pay attention to this journal...






i can't believe how life has really been unfair with me. it's soo unfair that i can't see any good thing to counter the bad things that happen.


no one listens to me anymore
everyone keeps on treating me like some loser
my friends are just like normal people and doesn't make me feel like im their friend
even my parents is my problem
and i have to do everything to get something (no one ever bothered to help )

actually i don't care about it but i think im on my way to being an emo.
and this shit gives me bad art blocks, not just artblock but it also distracts me soo much from school. >.> WTf

there are only two things that still keeps me sane though, my optimism and anime.


damn

and right now im holding a huge grudge on everybody, it's better that way. I'd rather do that than sacrifice my self for others who wont practically care and is stuck in their own world made of candies and marshmallow.


i am just another artist person out there that wants to be appreciated somehow. (lol as if >.> )
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: Suicides Love Story- Nana Kitade
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:iconlex-yomira234:
Life is painful,

That's the reality adults abide to sometimes. And it's true, life is full of pain and sorrow that sometimes we would like to run away. Then again, how can everything be supported without the existence of pain? Alyssa, your friends aren't trying to treat you that way, you only think that. In truth, a lot of people could get worried about you if something bad happened. They can't do anything because they don't know anything about your situation. And you'll never know, sometimes, friends really do need to leave friends behind because they want you to grow. Sometimes they hurt each other because they love each other too much and they want them to understand. Take Naruto and Sausuke's situation for instance.

Love does come, it's just that you're not letting it in. It's the only way that you'll feel relieved. If you trust somebody then surely, they will help you if and only if they are your true friends. There isn't anybody in the world that doesn't have anyone to love them, they're just too blind or numb to see or feel it.

Listening is the first step, understanding the words is another. You have to be willing to listen otherwise you'll never understand. Listening to someone shows that you too, want to become friends with them. It shows how much you care and them talking to you shows how they are concerned and how they trust you.

I don't know if you'll appreciate my words but I'm just concerned. It's no good being all alone, a human isn't meant to be alone because no matter how many times that you hurt them, there'll always be someone there who still cares for you. Alyssa, I care for you too, as well as all the others who are concerned.
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:iconfensterite045:
fensterite045 Jan 16, 2010  Student Digital Artist
(shit stupid rental comp)
what i meant is i'll keep these words in mind but i think im not the one who should be the only one being said something like this. it's unfair that i have to consider and other stuffs like that and then they wont even talk.
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:iconlex-yomira234:
They don't talk because they're afraid.

All of us are afraid to share something. Let me be truthful too, my thoughts of depression are bit more deeper than yours even up until now, but I learned, there isn't any reason to hold a grudge against the world because everything starts with you. And it makes sense, the qoute that says: "Do not do to others what you don't want others to do to you."

And besides, it's no fun being alone so just think of life as a huge roleplay, only you're playing yourself. We know that you're not this kind of person, Alyssa. There's a lot to you than you even know and there's a lot to others that you don't know. First impressions don't always last, as well as the way people look at you. If you just show them the side that no one ever knew then maybe, just maybe, you'll learn to understand and have new friends yourself.

Same goes for others, just try acting the way you want to act to yourself. It's no good if you keep things to yourself otherwise you might lose another thing too. So it's best to share things with people.

I'm only telling you this, you don't have to follow my words if you don't want to.
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:iconfensterite045:
fensterite045 Jan 17, 2010  Student Digital Artist
i know that quote but i had enough, i can't keep on smiling when when they are kinda doing something bad to me already and they don't know it.

i don't want to be alone tooooo i never said i wanted to.

but i have exerted effort before, but if i keep on exerting effort with them i forget the things i should really been doing.like starting on friday since i didn't care about them much any more i started realizing tha

what the hell, this just grown in to like this because she thought it was a fight cuz she decided to "cool off" and not talk to me and didn't asked what happened, if we ever were to reach breaking i think it's all up to my mood on that certain time if i'd want to be friends.

i think she doesn't even know what the hell is happening.
im doing this cuz i hate being told the things i knew by heart already.
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:iconlex-yomira234:
I can't say that I completely understand your situation, but I can tell you this:

She doesn't know, you can't blame her if she doesn't understand what you're feeling. Maybe you haven't completely told her how you feel in your situation.

She cares for you, you know? She couldn't leave you alone, I can tell. It's best if you guys can work things out and find the right time to talk about it. I'm sure she's just waiting for you, waiting for the right time. She's aware that if she isn't careful she might hurt you.

Just tell her if you're ready because she's always there, ready to listen to you. She said she wanted to cool off a bit to give you a bit of space. You can't say that she doesn't understand. She's really trying hard to cope up you know? It wouldn't be that bad since time has it's own way of healing things. If you can't do it right away, then just take it easy.

I've gone through things like that too. The feeling that no one just understands, the feeling that the whole world is abandoning you. My friends left me alone, I was separated with my best friend a year ago. I felt lonely and OP but you know, it was at that time that I collected my thoughts and understood what it really means to have friends.

There were so many times that I've cried in front of everyone because I've always thought that I screwed up. Through all those pressure that I've felt, I felt even more happy to see that they were trying.

You know, she's a good person, she's worried a lot over you. You won't see it and it may take a while but, you'll know how worried she is about you.
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:iconfensterite045:
fensterite045 Jan 16, 2010  Student Digital Artist
i'll
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:icon13-haru-13:
if you can't see anything good, it's probably the way you're looking?
lol. that sound deep, but sereously, that dose happen some times (and it dose cause really bad art block) but try to get out of it. it'll probably end in a few days.
some things are just the way you're thinking, since your brain dose run on hormoans and all >.>
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:iconfensterite045:
fensterite045 Jan 14, 2010  Student Digital Artist
yeah sometimes it can be me.
yeah im trying to get out of it really fast so i can start doing things, and yeah i wish it would end in a few days.

yeah, but maybe no. i've been with this before and this time im trying to really look at the situation, and it's (a bit) not okay with me. if i ignore it sometimes i would just be letting them do those things and it will happen again. i tried saying it to them but they're here doing the same exact thing. right now i want to get over with it so im just ignoring them and if they couldn't treat me how i treat them, then it's best if i don't stick with them anymore, i'll go to people better than them. right now im still really frustrated cuz i just experienced another day of being with them and they are still doing it.
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:icon143gaara-kun:
I'm so sorry allysa...

Why don't you usually talk to me when I talk to you? I know I may not be the only one thinking this, but we're both hurting each other..A simple ignorance from you during morning will make my whole conversation-to-be with you forgotten

I don't want to pretend like nothing is happening anymore...I just try to become happy because life is too short for just wallowing over my many problems

How can we make each other see?
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:iconfensterite045:
fensterite045 Jan 15, 2010  Student Digital Artist
gosh if you need something just holler

spin the same courage as you do when mam jasmin is discussing her lesson>.>
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