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Submitted on
January 6, 2010
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...stress relief journal.



jut another journal to clear my crowded mind. (or else i can't work OTL )

2010 is a very kind and gentle year.

since 2010 started i've been feeling a bit fluffy? i don't know what else to call it.
this first week (first 7th day tom. XD )

i want to cry but theres something about 2010 that just doesn't let me to.

lately i've been very sleepy too and because if that i don't have time anymore to think about things (how are things going an how do i react to them) which is very good. but sometimes before going to sleep i get a few minutes to think about those stuff and want to cry but instead of crying i felt like laughing even though it really makes me want to cry. (man, do i have a mental disorder? maybe i have oh well )


well so far im hating the all of the people im with (i don't plan on saying sorry  to the people im referring to even though they know ) because ive been very very kind to them (actually to some of them i want to say a lot of bad things to their faces but i just don't cuz somehow im still kind to them) . but hell i think their kindness is 'artificial' or just forced kindness cuz im their 'friend' and they act kindly but i don't feel it coming from their hearts and I'm hating it.

humans really are the most disgusting and ugly creatures ever created in this world. and unfortunately only some are the truly beautiful.

---
i have this thinking that if a person don't trust me at least 75% it's better if i don't trust them at all. im very possessive but i don't plan to enslave anyone, im actually very generous of giving 2x the degree of what you gave me if you really deserve it.

and i wasn't ever wrong in judging people. sometimes i surprise myself of how accurate i am in seeing inside a person. if i say i like a certain person the first time i met them or called them 'beautiful' they really are.



well im tired writing and my mind is cleared so i'll stop. this journal may not make any sense but whaever im still going to submit this and i wont just close the tab.

  i'm always misunderstood cuz i never learned how to express myself and choose my words well, cuz i never had someone to talked to--always. are the considerate people gone from this world?

and to whomever reading this journal entry of mine: Don't forget to say thanks to the people around you even on small things, sometimes you might not know it just takes out the pain of someone who secretly did something for you even though it hurt them soo much. of course they wont tell that it hurts them(or makes you notice it), cuz they don't want pity but they just wanted you to be happy(even if they don't value that much for you.  thank you is just two syllables long, it doesn't take a speech to brighten up one's day).

Shit im crying again, lately my journals are as if written in tears
  • Mood: Tired
  • Listening to: Suicides Love Story- Nana Kitade
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:icon143gaara-kun:
143Gaara-kun Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2010
It's sad not to get comments when you mean something...Here's one from me

I know that you hate us...I hate you too...Just like I say to everyone else right?

But I seriously hate showing true emotions in the fear that someone will get the wrong message D: and so, I just want to comfort you in any way that I can because you really are my friend and I'm not pretending to be kind...
I am, however, pretending that I'm not hurt...I hate dragging people to my life's bad luck..so sorry again

And maybe this apology and explanation may only make things worse..but I am trying :( no matter how futile
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:iconfensterite045:
fensterite045 Featured By Owner Jan 15, 2010  Student Digital Artist
gosh in stead of f\doing thi sf you could've said even hello a while aggo or patted my abck a while ago or shouted "you're soo frikin dramatic shut up" it would've been alright.


lalalalalaalla you dun really trust me do you?
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:icon143gaara-kun:
143Gaara-kun Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2010
I got the idea that you don't want to talk at mornings..sorry if I'm wrong but anyone can get the wrong message

And I have no clarified idea why trust is involved in this...but I trust you, I just don't trust myself

Maybe you won't understand what I mean, but it's just that I wouldn't be able to take it if I do something to hurt another person I know

...And I just did, didn't I?
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:iconfensterite045:
fensterite045 Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2010  Student Digital Artist
=.= mornings uhhh if you think im agry at you because i didn't respond then ask. or i may have responded like a nod and you didn't see..

=.= cuz that what i feel and i don't think you understand what the situation is right. then ask
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